Social Dilemma

Oh Lord! What is a person to do? I do enjoy my friends, and I am closer to some than others. I also stay open to making new friends, and I understand the difference between mutual friendships, and those whom I offer friendship with no expectation of return. Let me explain.

There is a gal, K, who I encountered on one of my routine story-time stops with B. She is also a Nanny and based on that alone we have had a few conversations. She seems to be lonely and doesn't have a lot going on in her life. On top of that, she is in the worst kind of Nanny position possible (excluding my last one, but I will blog that later!), and feels stuck. During conversations she has asked me for advice, so I have given her some tips and ideas she might try to make things work better. She thanked me for the support and asked for my phone number which I gave her.

Now that we have become more acquainted over the past 3 months she has asked if we could get together and go out for a movie or dinner because she has nothing to do on her time off except knitting. She has no car, not much money, and lives in at work. She works five days per week, at least 2 or 3 evenings, has 3 kids in her charge and one on the way, she is paid very little, and she does the housework and cooking too. Realizing that she has no one here and she is lonely and stressed I felt that it would be nice to help her get out and do something aside from work. Last night we went to a movie.

My dilemma came when I was torn between being a helpful friend and the realization that she has no social filters. Yikes, this was a little embarrassing. She is young (25) and lacks life experience. Having said that, my partner is only 28! I suppose maturity has little to do with age and more to do with learning.

We sat through Rumor Has It at the second run cheap theater, and I found myself between the loud, inappropriate, extended, fake laughter, of my new "friend" on the right, and the guy on my left who was so annoyed that he became belligerent. The funny thing is that K never once noticed or realized that Mr. Annoyed on the left was even there! How could she miss him. Talk about not reading social cues... OY VEY!!!

During a quiet serious part he would mimic her laughter and say things like, "What, no funny?" He constantly leaned forward looking at her and sighing heavily, making comments like, "Oh my God!", "It isn't that funny!", and "Jesus Christ!". He would say loudly to his woman friend, "Can you fucking believe this?", "What the fuck is her problem?", and "Fuck, I can't take anymore!". The woman friend, like me, said nothing the entire time! I kept my eyes on the screen and never diverted. I can't even tell you what the guy looked like. I wondered through the entire movie if there would be a confrontation after, but thankfully he left right before the credits started to roll. Again, very loudly, "Lets get the fuck out of here!"

LMAO... On the inside.

There was a scene where Jennifer Aniston went to a ball with a very rich man. The women were cookie cutter thin and all dressed Hollywood beautiful. K, my 250 pound, 5ft new friend blurted out, "Do you think I will ever have a body like that?" I replied, so only she could hear, "That's up to you I guess. "

The irony is that our pre-movie conversation, initiated by her, was all about exercise and nutrition. Don't get me wrong, I am not being judgemental because I believe that we do what we know until we know something different (and then sometimes still do the same anyway!), but I am realistic. I am no supermodel and have my own weight issues, but I do strive for health and balance. During our nutrition conversation K, who I picked up at a cafe where she was having supper, ate a big bowl of chicken pasta, garlic toast, a drink, then a huge bag of popcorn covered with that stuff they call butter, a candy bar and a super-size coke!

Although she informed me that she does nothing but sit in her room, and that she had eated 14 candy bars the week before, I am not sure that she even realized the connection.

I know that her issues are deeper than the surface stuff, and I do have compassion for her.

Now what? Do I go to another movie with her? I am now her only friend in the city and she has attached herself to me. Perhaps we could see an action movie! Perhaps I can find a balance where I don't get drained but can still offer some friendship and support. We shall see.